fragmented awareness

Facing the past can be a challenging yet rewarding journey. Acknowledging past experiences allows us to learn and grow from them. Rather than burying memories, we should confront them to understand their impact on our lives. This process can lead to healing and ultimately lighten our emotional burden. Letting the past be the past can sometimes mean we neglect unresolved feelings. By addressing these feelings, we can move forward with clarity and strength. Embracing our history can empower us to create a brighter future. In doing so, we transform our past into a source of wisdom rather than pain.

Living life on autopilot leads to unwanted outcomes. Instead, we should actively engage with our experiences, allowing them to guide us rather than define us. This intentional approach fosters resilience and encourages personal growth, enabling us to navigate life's challenges with newfound confidence. By embracing this mindset, we open ourselves to a world of possibilities where learning and adaptation become integral parts of our journey. Each step forward, informed by our past, brings us closer to realizing our true potential and fostering deeper connections with those around us.

Freedom comes with a cost. Let go of control and the idea that you need to fix what you see as broken; that on its own is a limiting belief to keep you grounded on the idea that you are working towards something that keeps you chasing what is forever growing and evolving. Embrace the journey instead, recognizing that growth often occurs in the spaces of uncertainty. By surrendering to the process, we open ourselves to new possibilities and allow authentic relationships to flourish.

 This shift in perspective can lead to deeper connections with ourselves and others, fostering an environment where creativity and innovation can thrive. Ultimately, embracing uncertainty can be liberating, allowing us to navigate life's complexities with resilience and grace.

We all want to manifest a comfortable life, so it's easy to want something that you don't have.

It's a different matter entirely to work on what is already yours. even if it means shattering everything down to the ground. And that idea of rebuilding would be to start from the bottom up.

which is hard to comprehend. At the same time, we all want to be at the top.

I found myself on the same page over and over again over the years. I once heard a friend say, "Different year, different drug." It was hard for me to hear this now. This implied that I was still using something else as a means of escape from something else, meaning that I was still letting my addiction control me. and hoping that things improve without my having to put in any effort to achieve the intended result.

As they say, responsibility comes with great  wisom. Even with this newfound understanding, I still find myself criticizing myself for being an addict because I was raised in a society that punished bad behavior. Whether it's negative self-talk or just subconsciously drawing people to teach me a lesson, it's no surprise that I beat myself up for allowing myself to fall into a trap such as repeating the same action over and over in hopes for a different outcome , at one point I felt that the awareness of this behaviour was punishment enough 

I remember being thrashed so badly that I briefly stopped crying and turned to face the person who was humiliating me. They also stopped, which surprised me, and ever since then, at the time I received   less and less hiding because I've had enough and simply stopped the crying and got the chance to look up to understand why I was receiving hiding.

I come from a place where when things get tough, you pick up and leave. And now having to pick the tools and facing the past doesn't come naturally. I catch myself when I remember, and do my best to be kind and gentle when I fall off again.